My Dear One

I always knew this day would come. I feared it for many years. I feel such a need to say I am so very sorry that I left you home when I went on my adventures. Im sorry that I didnt get a chance to make you more of a priority, but I feel there are a few things you need to know.

1) The picture of us linked to the title of this blog post is one of my favs. Barefoot girls and sideways dogs are always peas in a pod. The painting that looks like us hangs in my hallway. I think of you each time I pass it by. You remember, the little blonde girl in the pink dress dipping her toes in the water while a white and brown, curly eared puppy sits by watching.

2) You always made me feel like a princess. You were desperatly loyal to me and each day you would give your all to come when I called was overwhelming. I would watch you and laugh but inside, I always wondered what it was that made you love me so much. Whatever it was, I thank you. I cherish those memories.

3) I think the only dreams I will ever hold dear and never accomplish were the ones I made when I was going to bring you to Arkansas with me. You and I were going to take on the world. We were going to brave new storms together. You were going to be my comfort, my piece of home that didnt make me scared. It was going to be awesome, but I failed you. I came alone and I was scared. You wouldnt have been comfortable here by any means, but still I think I should have brought you.

4) I really wish you didnt have to go. I keep thinking that maybe, if you would just come back for a day or two, I would fly home and spend the whole time with you. Lord only knows how long you lived, but I guess I will always just ache for that one more moment.

5) Bro was epic when I told him. I kid you not, these were his words. (I wrote them down to make sure I got them right) "Wow thats sad. He was a good dog, but I guess he was pretty old, wasnt he?" You know bro, always with the epic vocab.

Please forgive me for being so angry at you going away. I understand your need for the dramatic, when I die, I plan to wait until everyone is up and paying attention also. Ive been feeling icky for the last few days. I think, like with Moose, I knew it was coming. Say Hi to him for me. I will love you forever. Thank you for being a good dog and thank you for all the kisses. Goodnight my dear Dud.