Trina 2

I lingered on his porch lost in my own thoughts. I came to the country for some peace, for a slower life and I found it, but at the same time, I could not for the life of me remember why I worked so hard in New York. Im sure the two of us looked a pair too, sitting on the porch, each with a slow moving rocking chair. Neither of us said another word, just sat peacefully. That is until the screen door creaked open and a refrigerator of a man stepped out, letting it slam shut behind him. The sound caught my attention, but old man Daure seemed to not even notice. The younger man, a spitting image of his father with the dusty blonde hair and blue eyes offered me a smirk and a cocky nod with his words.

"Well well well. If it aint Trina Blacksby. Finally humbled yourself enough to come back to the sticks?" As he spoke with the sound of humor fresh in his voice, he moved to lean back against the railing and crossed his muscled arms over his chest, looking rather relaxed there.

"Ahh there is your problem Mr Daure. You had to kill the bull with the most meat because your son here probably eats a horse a day!" With a laugh I spoke to the old man, keeping my teasing eyes on his son, but my smile soon faded as I watched his reaction turn sour. With a glance to old man Daure, I realized I had hit quite a nerve with both of them. Joes father just looked at me with a scowl. Just as I thought I would need a snickers to get away, Joe saved me.

"Let me walk you to your car, Trina." It was not a request and he was most certianly not looking for my approval. It was a command and it took me all of two instants to jump up out of the rocking chair and head towards my truck. Once there, I hopped in and shut the door. Joe leaned his brawny arms in my window and gave me a sad look. "Careful what you say around here Trina. You aint an outsider, but you missed a whole lot. Steppin on toes aint gonna make you any new friends."

"I hear ya Joe. Tell your old man Im sorry." To say I flew down that drive was an understatement and my mind was reeling the entire time. What had I said that made them both react so? There had to be more to that bull then they were letting on. Now I just had to figure out what was going on under the surface of this sleepy old town.

A Letter Home

Mornings are different here than anywhere else in the world. Tents have molded from something to use only in your back yard to something worth putting a picket fence around. Work is hard, play is hard and sleep is hard, but these moments in the morning, when the cool dew breaks the facad of summer, life is quiet, soft and slow. You can stand here and feel like there is not another person in the world experiencing life at this time, but truth is the entire camp is up. Some have been up for hours, others just minutes.

These are the moments, when a good stretch brings life to your limbs. Its a reason to smile for sure, but there will be many more thru the day. Next comes breakfast, mess hall style. Its loud and crazy and like most everything around here, its a haven built on unsolid ground. The rescues have been made, the bodies carried away and all that is left after the waters receeded is people in trailers trying to rebuild the lives a wild woman named Katrina washed away.

Breakfast, any meal really, is always loud. Free workers came from everywhere, far and wide. Very few had training, but those of us that were permanent decor for this landscape were there for training purposes. Today is a new crew to teach and help. A new group of people with bright smiles and no real concept of what they will see. These new groups were always everything we needed, however. Without them, the rest of us remained weary of the reality we fought against.

My new group was high school. A massive group of church kids desperate to do something. They took to the work well, Old Miss didnt find any respite from the summer for the poor northern kids, but they minded not. I even seemed to loose my need to curse the triple digits as they laughed and joked, like every kid on their summer vacation did the same.

Katrina could do what it wanted to the Gulf Coast, but the one thing she could never stop was the power of people to pick up and keep going. She couldnt change the fact that when people loose everything, they keep breathing and for that reason alone, they fight to get it back.

So mom, once again I send a letter to you that is infinatly more long winded then it needs to be. I know you dont understand my choice of lives, but I wake up every morning and I live.... for the entire day Im alive and I can feel it pulse thru my veins. We have our liscenses now, so the next time a disaster sweeps the nation, we are prepared to mobilize and be there as soon as the tires will take us. Fear not Mama and always know that whereever people are crying for help, I will be there with an answer.

Love always,
Cali

Tardiness and Business Matters!

I realize I havent been posting as often as before. I also realize my postings have not been as silly as before also. I would like to appologize for such, its been a wild month. I keep wracking my brain trying to find something to write thats funny and while humor follows me every day, its not what causes my fingertips to dance over the keys like tiny dancers on a piano. So then I avoid the blog and hope that something so funny will come to me that I just have to share it with the world.

The truth is, I dont want to write funny at the moment. I want to write serious, I want to write stories about people. I want to create something with substance, but naturally I never actually finish all of one thing before I start writing another. I thought maybe if I posted bits of stories and kept the same thread names, you would be able to follow them. Of course, if there is anyone ACTUALLY reading this, you most likely know me and could just call me and ask for help.

I dont know, Im a bit scatter brained with all the craziness at work so for the most part, Im just writing what my soul tells me. Sometime soon I will get back to the humor Im sure you all miss. :)

P.S. I just thought of something. How come when you nod your head to music, your brain doesnt squish against the front of your head? Cuz I just did and I dont think I lost any brain cells.

My Dear One

I always knew this day would come. I feared it for many years. I feel such a need to say I am so very sorry that I left you home when I went on my adventures. Im sorry that I didnt get a chance to make you more of a priority, but I feel there are a few things you need to know.

1) The picture of us linked to the title of this blog post is one of my favs. Barefoot girls and sideways dogs are always peas in a pod. The painting that looks like us hangs in my hallway. I think of you each time I pass it by. You remember, the little blonde girl in the pink dress dipping her toes in the water while a white and brown, curly eared puppy sits by watching.

2) You always made me feel like a princess. You were desperatly loyal to me and each day you would give your all to come when I called was overwhelming. I would watch you and laugh but inside, I always wondered what it was that made you love me so much. Whatever it was, I thank you. I cherish those memories.

3) I think the only dreams I will ever hold dear and never accomplish were the ones I made when I was going to bring you to Arkansas with me. You and I were going to take on the world. We were going to brave new storms together. You were going to be my comfort, my piece of home that didnt make me scared. It was going to be awesome, but I failed you. I came alone and I was scared. You wouldnt have been comfortable here by any means, but still I think I should have brought you.

4) I really wish you didnt have to go. I keep thinking that maybe, if you would just come back for a day or two, I would fly home and spend the whole time with you. Lord only knows how long you lived, but I guess I will always just ache for that one more moment.

5) Bro was epic when I told him. I kid you not, these were his words. (I wrote them down to make sure I got them right) "Wow thats sad. He was a good dog, but I guess he was pretty old, wasnt he?" You know bro, always with the epic vocab.

Please forgive me for being so angry at you going away. I understand your need for the dramatic, when I die, I plan to wait until everyone is up and paying attention also. Ive been feeling icky for the last few days. I think, like with Moose, I knew it was coming. Say Hi to him for me. I will love you forever. Thank you for being a good dog and thank you for all the kisses. Goodnight my dear Dud.

Trina 1

His hair is that same sandy blonde as the wheat he watches over. If he walked thru the sea of wheat, he would be lost, just another golden head bending with the breeze. But I am not here to talk about his hair. Let me see here... The assignment is to write an article about his prize bull disappearing. I wonder if I could make this into some big mystery. Investigative journalism has to have a place in Tonki Arkansas. We may only have five thousand citizens, but how could there not be one!

"So Mr. Daure, its been going around that your prize bull isnt in the pasture anymore. Any idea of what happened?" I trying to sound professional and interested, but lets face it, its a story on a bull that went missing.

"Yup." Is all he offers me with a nod of his head. The reporter in me is ready to take the straw from his mouth and beat him over the head with it, but the photographer in me wants to simply move around him like the breeze and take the pictures that I can see there, hanging in the air about him. His weathered eyes on a black and white background would bring out the lines of his face. Even faded color could let his blue eyes sing and yet still bring the sense of peace the man carries with him.

A pause... "So... interested in telling me?" I cant even be irritated. Honestly all I want is some lemonaid and to just sit with the man, but I do need to keep my job... I suppose.

"We ate 'em." Is all he was offering. So I have an entire artical to write based on the phrase 'we ate 'em.' Brilliant. Well, I suppose I best make something of this conversation.

"Do ya miss 'em?" If you cant beat them, join them I suppose.

A nod. "I recon."

"Why not eat one of the others?" I have to take another moment to look at him, fingers itching to snap his picture.

His shoulders shrug, making the collar of his shirt brush against the whiskers of his scraggly beard. I cant help but smirk. "Not as much beef." The mans logic is astounding. Now how to make an article from that...

Vintage Funny 2

Since I have not posted in a while and this last one was me rambling, I decided to recycle some old funny. Enjoy!

Yesterday evening, after a long hard day of work I found myself so very relieved to be heading home to relax. In my attempt to be healthier I have been drinking massive amounts of water and thus my foot was a bit heavy with the need to make it home with dry britches. Thankfully my goal was not frantic yet.
It was frantic, tho, once I had reached my driveway and as soon as I halted the car nice and close to the gate, I was out in a flash, car door locked and purse in hand. With great athleticism I raced up all five steps to stand on my porch and realize that a very key element to me accomplishing my goal. I heard the puppy whining from inside and for a moment I felt the urge to whine back to him. Especially when I saw not only the car key, but the house key dangling from the ignition. Frantically I searched around the porch for some brilliant idea that might be tucked under the rug. Naturally, given the state of the situation, the whole searching process included a bit of a hip sway dance, and don’t pretend like you don’t know this dance, now that my situation had become direly urgent.

My first thought was that perhaps the side door had been left unlocked. So I raced to the gate and realized that my girth was far too great to fit in the few inches of space I had left between the front of the car and said gate. With a sigh of frustration and a few funny looks from my neighbors I raced to the other side of the house, perhaps I could open up a window from the outside and slide in. Of course with this window starting at my neck and going higher, there was no chance I would make it. A squeal of frustration was uttered when I realized I would have to brave the gate and see how squishy I could actually become… with a full bladder mind you. So I ran to the gate and give it a look of determination. Each little wiggle brought me further into the back yard and several more bruises across my back. At one point I had to bend and push the car with my knee for those extra centimeters needed to wiggle in and finally I was in, of course with the way I had wedged myself, breaking free meant crashing to the ground with a bruise across my back from the gate latch and a yet even more frantic need.

Sadly the door was locked, however the deck allowed me access to an unlocked window in my room. With joy I yanked at the screen, finding it breaks easily. I pushed the window open victoriously all the while doing that all too familiar dance we learn as children when the bathroom is taken. The last and final hurtle was then realized… I am short with even shorter stubby legs and the window was just high enough to make it quite the feat. So I leaned on the railing to give my leg the best chance it had of finding the window. Once I had my leg up to my shin inside I discovered the down side to stretching a leg so high without warning was the cramp that soon follows. Frantically I leaned more on the railing to relieve the cramp and wiggled a bit more into the window. At this point, I found myself suspended in the air with the railing supporting my arms over my head, and my hind end precariously perched only half way in the window. Finally I was able to get my second leg wiggled in too and with massive strength exhibited on my part, Im really sad no one was there to see my bulging muscles, I lifted myself to sitting in the window, easily wiggling thru to crumple on the ground with a groan of pain. I have bruises to support such a tale and I hope the silliness brightened your day. If you were wondering, I made it. :D (scared the ... out of the dog tho when I walked up behind him and he was whining at the front door still!)

Irony and Chicken Wings

Im not sure exactly what this post is. I have the need to express everything in my head so if you arent inclined to listen to the ramblings of a silly girl, Id suggest you just skip this post. :)

This weekend, I came face to face with my social crimes. Repeatedly I was made aware of the decisions I make and how they effected others. Quite frankly, over the last several months I have become very selfish and self centered. Rather than simply make decisions that were best for me regardless of what people think, I made decisions that ensured I was kept at the center of attention so that I would never stop having people positively affirm me. Its been a humbling week. Rather than biting their tongue, the people I care about became very vocal about how I had made them feel and very little of it was positive.

This has brought to light some things I would like to change in myself. I dont want to be the center of attention always. When I think of the person I want to be, I want to be the stregnth in the background. I want to be the type of person that is know for being happy and supportive always. Never again do I want to be known for such negativeness.

On the other hand, it also reaffirmed that if I do not look out for my own happiness, no one else will. Sometimes people get hurt because I make decisions for the betterment of me. For instance, my mother was hurt by my decision to move to Arkansas, but never in my life have I had such a glorious adventure. If I spent my life doing what other people wanted and never once doing something for me, I would not be the Kiki Im supposed to be.

I ended a relationship with someone I greatly care about. It was hard and I hated it. I still do, but I didnt treat him like he deserved to be treated and in the end, disliked myself even more because of it. If nothing else, he can now be with someone that is going to treat him like he deserves. It will be a lucky girl that is good enough for that man where the rest of us fell short.

I find it rather entertaining to learn how to be positive in everything. Natrually, I fall short more times than I succeed, but instead of saying someone was rude, its quite the challege to find the thought in my head that makes a positive statement true. Like 'that person sure knew what they wanted'. Or when the office gets so hot I could melt, instead of saying 'Why must it be so hot when I wear extra layers?!' I get to say 'My goodness! Add some sand and we could all pretend we are in Hawaii!'

I dont know if the people I hurt are ever going to forgive me. I dont know if they will ever see the pain I went thru this last weekend because I felt I deserved it after hurting them. But I will always hope that someday, somewhere, forgivness can come and I will get to experience their laughter once again.

P.S. The title has nothing to do with anything the post. I just liked it.