Vintage Funny

I wrote this in the summer. I still find it highly entertaining. I thought since my previous blog is so serious, I would give you some humor to chase it down with. Enjoy! (FYI: It is written to a coworker who I presume is behind the silly events.)

Yesterday evening, in the scarce heat of the day, I was rather enjoying my stroll to the vehicle. It was a pleasant stroll albeit warmer than I was used to for the last few days. Upon reaching the moment when crossing the street to my car, there were four men there. BikeMan, with his bike was talking to Quincy, I learned his name a little later in this story. StrangerMan was speaking with HitOnMeDude who, quite seriously, hits on me every day. This HitOnMeDude is the one I suspect you are working with. StrangerMan and HitOnMeDude were both chatting a few feet away, not paying little old me much of any attention when Quincy spoke exuberantly, “Quick! Here she comes! Get out of her way!” Upon seeing his excitement at the path I graced, BikeMan heaved his bike above his head and hurried out of my way. Naturally I offered them a gracious smile. I assume BikeMan could not contain his curiosity any longer and asked me, “Miss Lady? How do you get all these men crazy about you?” With a soft laugh, I answered him with the same answer I believe you would have told him. “My friend, I am crazy and I try to tell them this, but alas they do not listen to my warnings.”

Naturally, in this moment, HitOnMeDude came over with a rush of interest and spoke demandingly to BikeMan. “Who else is crazy about her?” Of course, BikeMan being the honest man we can only assume he is, motioned to dear Quincy and said, “Well Quincy is!” With a chuckle, I slid into my car with the delicate grace very well known to me. And now my friend, comes the moment the world stopped for just a split second, so quick was it in fact, that no one but me noticed.
Mr half toothless HitOnMeDude approached my rolled down window and spoke with a comraderic voice as if he were giving me some gem of advice I would carry with me for the rest of my life. This is what he said, “Now look Hunny, I have been thrown from some horses and I have broken a lot of horses. You, Pretty Lady need to be broken. Now give me your number.” In this moment, I as operating on pure instincts. It wasn’t until later than I thought perhaps you had paid HitOnMeDude to say such a thing and stir the fire of defiance that rests in my belly, constantly ready to leap out at any that might tell me what to do. Naturally, with me being as charmingly funny as I am, I responded with: “I KNOW you did not just call me a horse! My friend, this is the last time you will ever hear my voice. Im going to take my flanks and head out of here.” And with that, I drove off into the daylight. Sunset would have been much better but I was heading east.
As final insult to your failed attempt to bring me down, I waved out the window and made sure to say good bye to Quincy, not HitOnMeDude. And so my dear friend and mentor, you tried. A very valiant attempt I might add. However alas, you failed to realize me being a horse in the eyes of Mr Mostly-Toothless-Wonder would not deflate my well-earned ego! Better luck next time!