I get so impatient. I want to create and be relevant and I want to produce things and when one thing doesnt get me there fast enough, I want to move to another and then another. And I stick myself in this cycle of frustration where I set my goals too high and then don't give myself enough time to bring them to fruition.
I want to be relevant. I want to be a leader of a movement and I want to do something that effects the world in a significant way. And each day I dont, I beat myself up for failing again. I know! Such mood swings! Someone please give me some patience!
So safe to say, I havent been writing. I have been working really hard at work to get the promotion. I have also been weaning myself off any foods besides groceries so writing hasnt been at the forefront of my mind. Sorry guys!
Sadly, Im still pretty lost. I dunno what I want. And I just feel so sick today. Maybe I should just keep being creative in -a- direction and then my path will find me. What do you think?
Friday, August 20, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Maybe Im doing this wrong.
Maybe I am going about this all wrong.
As a child, when someone would suggest we make milkshakes, I was the kid that wanted to build the farm, buy some cows, milk em and use that milk to make some ice cream and make some milkshakes. Then, once everyone shot me down on that idea, I would want to make a little milkshake place and would start gathering wood from the... well the trees usually.
In essence, I was always the one that wanted to do WAY more then was necessary. I wanted a massive journey and even if someone let me get started, I would easily find myself overwhelmed and discouraged... eventually giving up and jumping head first into the self pity pit to wallow in my grand failure.
So perhaps, when writing my very first novel, I should take on something perhaps a little less strenuous then creating my own world. Don't get me wrong, I fully intend to finish that novel, but perhaps I should be starting with just a story first... Just to write something and maybe not make it as massive as this one.
Simplification my friends! Maybe my first novel will just be a story about one person. Who just lives. I am still mulling it over in my head, but I am working on creating a new outline. Im hopeful about this one also.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Internets Abridged... again!
(Note to Reader: This is a re-posting of a previous blog with the video actually -in- the post. For your viewing pleasure!)
Dear Mama!
Since you now have an online store and are now an online money maker like I am. (yeah... you are probably making more then me. heh) I wanted to let you know something that may help you understand some online lingo.
Today's lesson is on "double rainbow goodness". I know, it is self explanatory, but let me tell you where it stems from. You see there is this man on youtube that has made a video about a discovery in his front yard. I suggest you watch it.
Since you now have an online store and are now an online money maker like I am. (yeah... you are probably making more then me. heh) I wanted to let you know something that may help you understand some online lingo.
Today's lesson is on "double rainbow goodness". I know, it is self explanatory, but let me tell you where it stems from. You see there is this man on youtube that has made a video about a discovery in his front yard. I suggest you watch it.
Special thanks to Hungrybear9562 for the lovely video!
I know! It is an epic video! Now everyone else in the world pretty much knows about this double rainbow goodness, but I need you to know so you can reference it in your store and look totally awesome. Also, keep in mind that there are a lot of people around that are turning this into art... also something Im sure is relevant to your store. (I'm sure.)
This concludes today's lesson Mama. Good luck with your store and congrats!
This concludes today's lesson Mama. Good luck with your store and congrats!
Old Family Jokes
Warning: Today's post may contain images... That may be a bit racy for the faint hearted. heh *innocent smile*
Something Jenn told me in that infamous letter she sent me was to write because I love to. That success, popularity, none of that -actually- matters when Im doing something I love. So I am trying my best to take her up on that. I have been paid my $.01 for writing which means, to me, that I am in essence, a professional paid writer. Sure its a liberal sense of the word, but hey, Im the blogger here so I shall define my own sucess! Yay me!
In other news, before we get to the actually subject of this blog, Mr Uruguay is back. *waves to Mr Uruguay* And no, I still have no clue who he is... but he has been here twice!
You know how everyone has those jokes in their family that are always referenced no matter how long ago it was that they were created? One of ours is that anytime anyone went to the store and asked if we wanted anything, my response was eternally a cabana boy and a milkshake. I never got either until now. My brother sent me my cabana boy.
(Image found here: http://i590.photobucket.com/albums/ss343/mikes2000/misc_images/scubaboard2/SB_People/automotivator10.jpg)
Something Jenn told me in that infamous letter she sent me was to write because I love to. That success, popularity, none of that -actually- matters when Im doing something I love. So I am trying my best to take her up on that. I have been paid my $.01 for writing which means, to me, that I am in essence, a professional paid writer. Sure its a liberal sense of the word, but hey, Im the blogger here so I shall define my own sucess! Yay me!
In other news, before we get to the actually subject of this blog, Mr Uruguay is back. *waves to Mr Uruguay* And no, I still have no clue who he is... but he has been here twice!
You know how everyone has those jokes in their family that are always referenced no matter how long ago it was that they were created? One of ours is that anytime anyone went to the store and asked if we wanted anything, my response was eternally a cabana boy and a milkshake. I never got either until now. My brother sent me my cabana boy.
(Image found here: http://i590.photobucket.com/albums/ss343/mikes2000/misc_images/scubaboard2/SB_People/automotivator10.jpg)
Why thank you Bro.. I would like a slice of awesome to go with my Pina Colada... How did you know?!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Interwebs Abridged
Dear Mama!
Since you now have an online store and are now an online money maker like I am. (yeah... you are probably making more then me. heh) I wanted to let you know something that may help you understand some online lingo.
Todays lesson is on "double rainbow goodness". I know, it is self explanatory, but let me tell you where it stems from. You see there is this man on youtube that has made a video about a discovery in his front yard. I suggest you watch it.
lols link fixed... seriously check out this vid
I know! It is an epic video! Now everyone else in the world pretty much knows about this double rainbow goodness, but I need you to know so you can refrence it in your store and look totally awesome. Also, keep in mind that there are a lot of people around that are turning this into art... also something Im sure is relevant to your store. (Im sure.)
This concludes todays lesson Mama. Good luck with your store and congrats!
Special thanks to Hungrybear9562 for the lovely video!
Since you now have an online store and are now an online money maker like I am. (yeah... you are probably making more then me. heh) I wanted to let you know something that may help you understand some online lingo.
Todays lesson is on "double rainbow goodness". I know, it is self explanatory, but let me tell you where it stems from. You see there is this man on youtube that has made a video about a discovery in his front yard. I suggest you watch it.
lols link fixed... seriously check out this vid
I know! It is an epic video! Now everyone else in the world pretty much knows about this double rainbow goodness, but I need you to know so you can refrence it in your store and look totally awesome. Also, keep in mind that there are a lot of people around that are turning this into art... also something Im sure is relevant to your store. (Im sure.)
This concludes todays lesson Mama. Good luck with your store and congrats!
Special thanks to Hungrybear9562 for the lovely video!
200 Hits!
I know you all are looking for reasons why this is a wonderful day and I has it for yous! Now despite the fact that I just got really yelled at on the phone, I have mutiple reasons today is awesome.
First of all, worry not! I am listening to some soothing music on this short break from work so I can take a deep breath and not yell at yall. But it keeps stopping becuase its taking so long to load! AHHH!
Secondly, a few days ago, I finally got up the guts to email a blogger that I find to be one of the best. I look up to her. There have been many writers Ive wanted to write to, but she is the first I have had the courage to express my feelings to. For some reason, I simply knew she would respond. And she did. Today not only did she send me an email encouraging my blog, but she also sent me some tips on how to not only make it better but to geer my writing to an audience slightly bigger then my friends and family. Heh.
There was another reason today is awesome and I forgot... Oh! I am going to be going out to dinner with some friends and I am excited! Also, its friday! Whooo! Awesome day.
And the biggest reason that I think I forgot until now, we, my friends, are standing on the cusp on 200 hits! 200 times someone has come to my website to read something that Ive written. Thats exciting.
I am going to be working on ways to use Jen's advice in my work here soon. Now... Im a little torn on how to go about it. Im trying to decide on making new categories under this blog or if I should make a whole new blog for some of my ideas. So this can be for my writing and for people that know me to come read about my life while the other can be about the random things I find on the internet and making them entertaining.
The more I think on it, the more I like the idea of keeping everything under this one and just having different things on different days. So we will try to branch out.
As a final thought, I wanted to share this with you guys. I know I am big on reaching my goals and working towards them every day, but I think I realized something on wednesday... I think working hard towards goals is awesome, but I also think that if thats what we focus on, then maybe we miss the most important part of our journeys which is the acutal journey itself. Cliche yes, but seriously. I have been checking things off so many lists that I forgot how nice the summer rain is. Or how good it is to sit back and just laugh with someone. Maybe, this should be something else we put on our lists?
First of all, worry not! I am listening to some soothing music on this short break from work so I can take a deep breath and not yell at yall. But it keeps stopping becuase its taking so long to load! AHHH!
Secondly, a few days ago, I finally got up the guts to email a blogger that I find to be one of the best. I look up to her. There have been many writers Ive wanted to write to, but she is the first I have had the courage to express my feelings to. For some reason, I simply knew she would respond. And she did. Today not only did she send me an email encouraging my blog, but she also sent me some tips on how to not only make it better but to geer my writing to an audience slightly bigger then my friends and family. Heh.
There was another reason today is awesome and I forgot... Oh! I am going to be going out to dinner with some friends and I am excited! Also, its friday! Whooo! Awesome day.
And the biggest reason that I think I forgot until now, we, my friends, are standing on the cusp on 200 hits! 200 times someone has come to my website to read something that Ive written. Thats exciting.
I am going to be working on ways to use Jen's advice in my work here soon. Now... Im a little torn on how to go about it. Im trying to decide on making new categories under this blog or if I should make a whole new blog for some of my ideas. So this can be for my writing and for people that know me to come read about my life while the other can be about the random things I find on the internet and making them entertaining.
The more I think on it, the more I like the idea of keeping everything under this one and just having different things on different days. So we will try to branch out.
As a final thought, I wanted to share this with you guys. I know I am big on reaching my goals and working towards them every day, but I think I realized something on wednesday... I think working hard towards goals is awesome, but I also think that if thats what we focus on, then maybe we miss the most important part of our journeys which is the acutal journey itself. Cliche yes, but seriously. I have been checking things off so many lists that I forgot how nice the summer rain is. Or how good it is to sit back and just laugh with someone. Maybe, this should be something else we put on our lists?
Monday, August 2, 2010
YES!!!
You know what I love most about journeys? I love when you walk through a journey with someone and you get to watch it become something it didnt start as. For example: The vlog brothers I refrenced in a previous post was initially a new way to be brothers and it slowly morphed into this movements of self proclaimed nerd fighters. When I took the first steps of this journey, it was simply a way for me to write, a chance for me to close my eyes and in small blissful moments, dance with my biggest dreams. There are these rolling hills in my home town. I like to go back and visit and imagine all the people Ive loved and lost waltzing across the hills just waiting for me. Sometimes I dream of waltzing with them. But when I write this blog, I waltz with my dreams; moving them as they move me. You all have been a fantastic group of people who so endlessly support me and sometimes I wonder if you are actually out there reading these until I get a message like I got this last week.
Its from a friend I met here in Little Rock. Someone that has always been there for me when I needed her. In this message she sent me, it was written to more then just me and it starts like this "I was inspired recently by a friend to start a list of things I wanted to do. So, I have done that and it has also inspired me to write a blog to go along with it. The things on the list may not seem huge or life changing but they are things that I have thought about doing and want to do. The List will change and grow as I do." When I read this, I could not sit still. This to me is pure victory.
This is waking up in the morning and taking a deep breath of air, knowing that today I am alive and today is the first day of the new life that I will live; free and vibrant. I am a woman that runs with wolves and I am picking up other women to run with me. I never meant to start a movement of lists and goals and journeys. I didnt intend anything beyond my own selfish needs, but I am blessed with people in my life that, rather then beat down a fire, choose to dance around it.
This blog is scattered. Today is my first day off any soda of any kind and let me tell you, im hurting. But I wanted you, my minions to know about this blog that she writes. Her name for the sake of this blog will be Miss Mcgee. And her journey is here: http://lulu1983.wordpress.com/
My list for now is only three things, she has many more and I fully intend to help her get to the end of it. Maybe, in the process our sisterhood of waltzing with our dreams will grow and perhaps people will find their lives better because of what we are doing, believing or accomplishing.
Do you have a list? If you were to make one, what would it be?
As for my list, I am now officially three months from my promotion as long as I keep doing this well or better. I start my jogging this week for that marathon. Every day I write is one day better then I have ever done before. So heres to tomorrow and the adventures, lists and journeys it brings with it.
Its from a friend I met here in Little Rock. Someone that has always been there for me when I needed her. In this message she sent me, it was written to more then just me and it starts like this "I was inspired recently by a friend to start a list of things I wanted to do. So, I have done that and it has also inspired me to write a blog to go along with it. The things on the list may not seem huge or life changing but they are things that I have thought about doing and want to do. The List will change and grow as I do." When I read this, I could not sit still. This to me is pure victory.
This is waking up in the morning and taking a deep breath of air, knowing that today I am alive and today is the first day of the new life that I will live; free and vibrant. I am a woman that runs with wolves and I am picking up other women to run with me. I never meant to start a movement of lists and goals and journeys. I didnt intend anything beyond my own selfish needs, but I am blessed with people in my life that, rather then beat down a fire, choose to dance around it.
This blog is scattered. Today is my first day off any soda of any kind and let me tell you, im hurting. But I wanted you, my minions to know about this blog that she writes. Her name for the sake of this blog will be Miss Mcgee. And her journey is here: http://lulu1983.wordpress.com/
My list for now is only three things, she has many more and I fully intend to help her get to the end of it. Maybe, in the process our sisterhood of waltzing with our dreams will grow and perhaps people will find their lives better because of what we are doing, believing or accomplishing.
Do you have a list? If you were to make one, what would it be?
As for my list, I am now officially three months from my promotion as long as I keep doing this well or better. I start my jogging this week for that marathon. Every day I write is one day better then I have ever done before. So heres to tomorrow and the adventures, lists and journeys it brings with it.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Irony
I feel at a loss of words, which is pretty ironic since I'm typing some anyway. heh.
I have spent a year living alone and having a home devoid of other human voices and after a week of my parents staying in the same house, I found myself so full of human contact and interaction. At the same time, though, I miss them. Like, really miss them. Truthfully, last week I broke up with someone I felt very close to, someone I really cared for and a house full of people kept me from being alone with my thoughts. So now that they are gone, I am stuck with the thoughts that I have been avoiding.
Whether my emotions are rational, valid or even long term remains to be seen. I feel as if I have lost time. Like this lesson was already learned and now I am just a year older then I was when I learned this heartbreak last time. I feel like Im running out of time and pretty soon, I will be that crazy old dog lady that has a million and no friends to speak up. I have these wild fears that the life I have in my head that I have been working towards for a decade is so much of a good life that I will never actually get there and someday, I will have to stare my failed life in the mirror and it will have wrinkles.
The fear makes me unable to breath and I think its probably the most raw emotion Ive ever put on this blog, but that is where I am. Maybe I am a lost cause. Maybe that 'someone wonderful' my mother always speaks about is just a mirage and I will spend my life crashing my head against a brick wall just in hopes of catching a glimpse of him.
*deep breath* Now that the rant is gone, I have some very exciting things to tell you all about, but I have to wait until I have permission to share them. However, in the mean time, is it just me or does anyone else fear dying alone? Do you ever fear you are the only one doing it to yourself?
I have spent a year living alone and having a home devoid of other human voices and after a week of my parents staying in the same house, I found myself so full of human contact and interaction. At the same time, though, I miss them. Like, really miss them. Truthfully, last week I broke up with someone I felt very close to, someone I really cared for and a house full of people kept me from being alone with my thoughts. So now that they are gone, I am stuck with the thoughts that I have been avoiding.
Whether my emotions are rational, valid or even long term remains to be seen. I feel as if I have lost time. Like this lesson was already learned and now I am just a year older then I was when I learned this heartbreak last time. I feel like Im running out of time and pretty soon, I will be that crazy old dog lady that has a million and no friends to speak up. I have these wild fears that the life I have in my head that I have been working towards for a decade is so much of a good life that I will never actually get there and someday, I will have to stare my failed life in the mirror and it will have wrinkles.
The fear makes me unable to breath and I think its probably the most raw emotion Ive ever put on this blog, but that is where I am. Maybe I am a lost cause. Maybe that 'someone wonderful' my mother always speaks about is just a mirage and I will spend my life crashing my head against a brick wall just in hopes of catching a glimpse of him.
*deep breath* Now that the rant is gone, I have some very exciting things to tell you all about, but I have to wait until I have permission to share them. However, in the mean time, is it just me or does anyone else fear dying alone? Do you ever fear you are the only one doing it to yourself?
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